For most of my life, I sought happiness and calm outside of myself. I was always searching for the ONE thing that kept moving further away from me—the carrot on the end of the stick the rabbit could never catch.

When I organize this one room, then I will feel complete.

When I get X amount of clients, then I will be a success.

When I weigh X amount, then I will be worthy of love.

Although very different, each of those items mentioned above were my measuring stick of worthiness for myself. I know, sad. And even more sad, it never worked.

What we focus on expands.

What we resist seems to persist.

What we chase RUNS!

To get through the day, I would proudly put on my BUSY name badge. My expertise was keeping many balls juggling in the air. Running my marketing company, the household, volunteering for the kids’ schools and church, co-leading a Mom’s group, and more kept me from facing the real demon—myself.

Others are addicted to work, noise, exercise (which I could never understand), pornography, drugs, alcohol, or tv—anything to dull the pain of our soul screaming at ourselves.

No matter what I did, I didn’t believe at my core that I was enough, was doing enough, or had enough. The ‘ENOUGH’ message was etched in my core at such an early age (like the womb) that it would take several centuries to unravel its messages.

As I glanced in the mirror one morning, I was unpleasantly surprised at who was looking back at me. I didn’t recognize her. And I especially had no idea how I had gotten to this point in my life. Hatred — for her and my life — -oozed from my cells as tears fell.

This is the point I found myself parked on my couch for about a year, wondering what the heck happened. Depression had overtaken me, my hair was falling out, my 25-year marriage was ending, had to sell my marketing company because I was too sick to work, kids were emptying the nest while they were making bets as to what organ mom was going to get out next. It was undoubtedly the lowest point in my life.

I began to pray and meditate as if my life depended on it, as it did. Prayer is when I do all the talking, and meditation is when I finally get quiet to listen as the still, small voice inside me speaks softly.

At first, that voice was a quiet flicker of a flame. Barely a whisper could be heard. As I focused on it (what we focus on expands), it grew in energy to remind me of its presence as my soul essence and the God that lives inside of me—the great I AM, Creator/Source. It felt like a superpower that I had been numbing most of my life.

When I reestablished this connection with myself, I realized not only the unlimited potential that I already AM, but it became crystal clear that all I was searching for out there—worthiness, happiness, love, desire, wealth, abundance, beauty—I already possessed. There was no more chasing the carrot. What a relief!

I had to stop my busy life, slow down, and go within to integrate this new knowledge. I already had everything I was seeking. You see…

The Great I am Creator/Source that lives inside of you and me is already whole and complete while full of…

Abundance.

Prosperity.

Love.

Vibrant health.

All powerful.

All-knowing.

Compassionate and kind.

Patient.

Wisdom

Gracious and Truth.

And more!

Connecting with the I AM/ God/ Source that lives inside of us is where true happiness is.

Also, during that year on the couch, I wrote my first book, More Than Enough: Discover Your Limitless Potential and Live Your Bravest Dream. Slowly and deliberately, I began to rebuild my life from the ground — up. This time, though, it was a life aligned with who I am at my core and based on what I value in life.

As I continued my search within in the years to come, I wrote my fourth book, The Wisdom Within: Cracking the Secrets of Meaning, Purpose & Security. Writing these books catapulted me to honor myself and my inner wisdom. These were not easy lessons to learn, but they were oh-so valuable.

For now, I have retired my BUSY name badge in lieu of sweet, quiet time with myself and the Great I AM. Daily self-care and deep shadow work have allowed me a new appreciation for life as I honor my body that houses the Great I AM. My chasing happiness ended years ago on that couch. Anytime I want to remember that I already am happy, I take a deep breath and refocus on the I AM inside of me. Happiness is only a breath away!